Act Titles for The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and The Girl From U.N.C.L.E.

One of the distinctions of The Man From U.N.C.L.E. was the fact the show didn’t just have episode titles. Each act had its own title as well through the third season. In the fourth, producer, writer and director credits appeared at the start of act I, but the remaining three acts continued to have titles. Act titles are not part of scripts, so evidently the writers didn’t come up with them. Anyway, if you’re curious, here they are. This page   ©   1997-2015  William J. Koenig.

 


Season One

1. The Vulcan Affair
I: An Assault Force From Thrush.
II: Trouble On The Potomac
III: Incident In A Hotel Suite
IV: The Assassination

2. The Iowa-Scuba Affair
I: Solo Surprises
II: Incidents In Shower Stall And Forest
III: Ding Dong Dell
IV: Halloween Is Early This Year

3. The Quadripartite Affair
I: A Whiff Of Smoke
II: One Lost Fire Inspector
III: Three Eggs Hatched
IV: Two Down, Two To Go

4. The Shark Affair
I: Of Shoelaces And Ships
II: A Foggy Day
III: One…Two…Button My Shoe
IV: Three…Four…Shut The Door

5. The Deadly Games Affair
I: The Games Begin
II: A Game Of Hare And Hounds
III: The Three-Cornered Game
IV: The Game Is Up

6. The Green Opal Affair
I: …But He’s Not Alive Either…
II: …The Two Little Kittens…
III: …They May Take Away Our Heads…
IV: …The Human Time Capsules Explode…

7. The Giuoco Piano Affair
I: Incident In The High Andes
II: The Festival Begins
III: On Land And Sea
IV: The Party’s Over

8. The Double Affair
I: One For The Money
II: Two For The Show
III: Three To Make Ready
IV: Four…To Go

9. The Project Strigas Affair
I: The Exterminators
II: The $100,000 Box Top
III: There Goes The Old Ballgame
IV: …A Diabolical Scheme

10. The Finny Foot Affair
I: The Young Die Old
II: Lickety Split
III: The Little Black Box
IV: Marry The Maiden

11. The Neptune Affair
I: Orbesk Is On Red Alert
II: Let Him Live…Kill Him
III: The Old Moralities Die
IV: Like Neptune, From Under the Sea

12. The Dove Affair
I: Incident In The Balkans
II: The Running Men
III: Togetherness
IV: End Of The Line

13. The King of Knaves Affair
I: …Of Cabbages and Kings…
II: …All The King’s Men…
III: Behold The King…
IV: Of The Death Of Kings…

14. The Terbuf Affair
I: A Deadly Holiday In The Balkans
II: The Traps Are Set
III: Arrange For A Firing Squad!
IV: Ready…Aim…Fire!

15. The Deadly Decoy Affair
I: The Bad And The Beautiful
II: But I’m On My Lunch Hour
III: An Unseemly Suggestion Yet
IV: All The Glitters…

16. The Fiddlesticks Affair
I: Into The Valley Of Death
II: Now, Here’s Our Plan
III: The Frightening Series Of Hazards
IV: Fifty-Five Million Dollars

17. The Yellow Scarf Affair
I: Target — The Golden Bird
II: Calls Of A Night Thrush
III: …A Sparrow Falls
IV: Birds Of A Feather

18. The Mad, MAD Tea Party Affair
I: Through The Looking Glass
II: Mad Hatter’s Inquisition
III: Curiousier And Curiousier
IV: The Time Has Come…

19. The Secret Sceptre Affair
I: Drop Zone — The Middle East
II: A Boxful Of Death
III: The Bear-Pit Polka
IV: The Sceptre’s Secret

20. The Bow-Wow Affair
I: Mad Dogs And Englishmen
II: The Little Dog Laughed
III: Hark, Hark The Dog Do (sic) Bark
IV: To Fox And Hounds

21. The Four-Steps Affair
I: Step One — Kidnapping
II: Step Two — Ambushed
III: Step Three — Murdered
IV: Step Four — Counter-Attacked

22. The See-Paris-And-Die Affair
I: …Subtlety Is No Longer Required
II: …I Know Zis Pussycat
III: …The Tomb Of The Unknown Spy
IV: A Diamond-Nested Whirlybird

23. The Brain-Killer Affair
I: …Code 20…
II: …Have Dead…
III: …There Are Risks Involved…
IV: …Brain Killers…

24. The Hong Kong Shilling Affair
I: Dead For A Shilling
II: A “Merry” Go Round
III: For Sale — One Solo
IV: A Pride Of Spies

25. The Never-Never Affair
I: Evasion Pattern Eight
II: Movies Are Deadlier Than Ever
III: Hide And Seek
IV: The Over-The-Shoulder Shot

26. The Love Affair
I: Love Is A Bump On The Head
II: Love Is A Hand Grenade
III: Love Is A One-Room Cell
IV: Love Is A Big Boom

27. The Gazebo In The Maze Affair
I: A Skeleton In The Dungeon
II: Dark Goings-On In East Snout
III: Wait’ll You Hear My Plan
IV: A-Maze-Ing

28. The Girls of Nazarone Affair
I: A Batch Of Blondes
II: Beware Of Blondes
III: Battle Of Blondes
IV: Blondes ‘A Bye-Bye

29. The Odd Man Affair
I: Paris To London Airdrop
II: The Hyde Park Debating Society
III: Look At Her Hands!
IV: You’re Mad — All Of You

 


Season Two

The opening two-part story is the only episode title not to include the word “The.” After this, titles of two-part episodes were followed by “Part I” or “Part II,” using Roman numerals.

30. Part One, Alexander The Greater Affair 
I: Follow That Spy!
II: Chess…Anyone?
III: Bandits at three o’clock
IV: The Only Temple On The Block

31. Part Two, Alexander The Greater Affair
I: The Girls In Room A
II: Coffee, Tea Or Milk?
III: To make a Mummy
IV: How You Gonna Keep ‘Em Down On The Farm?

32. The Ultimate Computer Affair
I: Where Thrushbirds Gather
II: Golf, Guv?
III: How Do You Think I Got To Be Captain?
IV: Tilt

33. The Foxes And Hounds Affair
I: Get Those Nasties Off Our Back
II: Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy
III: Think Of Girls
IV: Go Get ’em, Tiger!

34. The Discoteque Affair
I: …A Most Wanted Landlord…
II: Who Killed The Bug?
III: Breaking In a New Act
IV: That’s Show-Biz

35. The Recollectors Affair
I: Whatever Happened to Dept. F.?
II: A Better Hostess Than Mortician
III: Are We Going to Scream?
IV: Oooops.

36. The Arabian Affair
I: Your Friendly UNCLE Agent
II: …A Very Nervous Homicidal Maniac…
III: A Red-Hot Game of Poker
IV: Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

37. The Tigers Are Coming Affair
I: …Allo…
II: Tourist Hazards
III: A Very Deadly Mine
IV: A Little Old-Fashioned Water Torture

38. The Deadly Toys Affair
I: His And Hers
II: Essence of Aardvaark
III: Up A Tree…
IV: Uncle, Hansel and Gretel

39. The Cherry Blossom Affair
I: …A Cricket in the Hibachi
II: Everyone Should Have a Hobby
III: Some Deadly Bamboo Shoots
IV: A Swinging Samurai

40. The Virtue Affair
I: Simple Simon and the Spymen
II: Nothing But Slings and Arrows
III: …A Hunting We Will Go…
IV: Heads Will Roll…

41. The Children’s Day Affair
I: Mother Knows Best
II: C-Minus for Solo
III: Not in Front of the Children
IV: That’s What Little Boys Are Made Of

42. The Adriatic Express Affair
I: Is This Trip Necessary?
II: …Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Slivovitz
III: After you Alphonse
IV: A Brandy-Dandy Jail-Cell Party

43. The Yukon Affair
I: An Eskimo Named Murphy
II: Blubber?
III: Mayhem Over Ice
IV: I’ve Always Wanted to Throw One

44. The Very Important Zombie Affair
I: Scratch One Contact
II: There’s No Business Like Monkey Business
III: Let a Flower Say It For You
IV: Voodoo a ‘GoGo

45. The Dippy Blonde Affair
I: Blondes Have More Fun…Or Do They?
II: The Loosest Loose End Ever
III: A Crypt With a View
IV: For Whom the Bells Toll?

46. The Deadly Goddess Affair
I: To Catch a Circe Pig
II: Mumps Anyone?
III: See You in Church, Mr. Solo
IV: O “Solo” Mio

47. The Bird And The Bees Affair
I: 16, Red and Even
II: Mr. Kuryakin Does a Bossa-Nova
III: Mr. Solo Does a Bee’s-a-Nova
IV: Honey’ll Do It Every Time

48. The Waverly Ring Affair
I: More a Boom than a Bang
II: Let George Do It
III: Old Home Week
IV: Thrush’s Answer to the Population Explosion

49. The Bridge of Lions Affair Part I
I: Hot on a Cat Trail
II: For Men Only
III: Thrush Joins the Chase
IV: The Weight of Pressing Business

50. The Bridge of Lions Affair Part II
I: Somewhat Pressed
II: Thrush Flaps It’s (sic) Wings
III: The Bitter with the Sweet
IV: Excelsior

51. The Foreign Legion Affair
I: Only Mad Dogs…
II: Camel Stew, Anyone?
III: Dirty Pool
IV: Macushia, Macushia

52. The Moonglow Affair
I: What Are Little Girl-Spies Made Of?
II: Sugar?
III: …And Spice!
IV: …And Lips The Glow in the Dark

53. The Nowhere Affair
I: Nobody’s Been Called Napoleon Since Waterloo
II: Computers Never Lie
III: Slam…Zap…Powie!
IV: Showdown At Thrush Corral

54. The King of Diamonds Affair
I: Diamonds Are a Thrush’s Best Friend
II: Two to a Box
III: Not The Brotherly Type
IV: Drums Along the Amazon

55. The Project Deephole Affair
I: Off the Hook
II: …And Leave the Driving to Thrush
III: No Holds Barred
IV: …It’s a Gusher

56. The Round Table Affair
I: Ach du lieber Ingolstein
II: …When Knight-hoods are in Flower
III: Oops There Goes the Bridegroom
IV: They’ll Never Believe It in Teaneck, N.J.

57. The Bat-Cave Affair
I: Shoot Fire and Save the Matches
II: Bats, Piranhas and E.S.P.
III: Illya At Bat
IV: …Out of the Belfry

58. The Minus-X Affair
I: Acapulco Brass
II: What’s a Mother Thrush to Do?
III: …It’s In the By-Laws
IV: General Grant to See President Lincoln

59. The Indian Affairs Affair
I: Hardly A War Dance
II: The Red-Skins Are Coming
III: Me Little Beaver…Ugh!
IV: Head ’em Off at the Pass

 


Season Three

60. The Her Master’s Voice Affair
I: Into Darkest Long Island With Gun and Camera
II: She Almost Gave Him Thirty Whacks
III: Return of the Grapefruit King
IV: Massacre of the Innocents

61. The Sort Of Do-It-Yourself Dreadful Affair
I: This Cupcake Hasn’t Got An Appendix
II: Go Away, Or I’ll Feed You to the Converter Unit!
III: Cupid among the Grommets
IV: Dr. Frankenstein, I Presume?

62. The Galatea Affair
I: I don’t Wanna Be No Lady!
II: A Game That Two Can Play
III: Clue: She Snores Off Key
IV: Nighttime Is Thrushtime

63. The Super-Colossal Affair
I: My Baby Wants Technicolor Cinemascope, My Baby Gets Technicolor Cinemascope
II: More Action! I Want Impact
III: Put the Mistake in the Tub
IV: That’s What I Call a Jackpot

64. The Monks of St. Thomas Affair
I: Frere Jacques — Frere Jacques
II: Dormez Vous? Dormez Vous?
III: Soonez Les Matines. Soonez Les Matines.
IV: Ding Dong Ding. Ding Dong Ding.

65. The Pop Art Affair
I: Is This Your Ape?
II: The Meaning of the Meaningless
III: The Sweet Smell of Grass
IV: It’s a Gas, Man

66. The Thor Affair
I: Bad Things Come in Small Packages
II: And Brutus is an Honorable Man
III: On a Clear Day, You Can See the Conspirators
IV: Toys Will Be Toys

67. The Candidate’s Wife Affair
I: She’s Not the Genuine Boxtop
II: Your Head Has a Most Interesting Confirmation, Mr. Kuryakin
III: Sometimes Serendipity Outsmarts Us All
IV: Don’t Count Your Ballots Before They’re Hatched

68. The Come With Me to the Casbah Affair
I: She Makes the Best Rakat Loo-Koom in Algiers!
II: Send the Lady Up
III: She’s Wired For Sound
IV: Illya Goes to a Marshmellow Roast

69. The Off-Broadway Affair
I: To Coin a Phrase, The Show Must Go On
II: A Man is a Horn?
III: One Tunnel Over Budget
IV: Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You

70. The Concrete Overcoat Affair Part I
I: The Pizzeria Was a Blast
II: Do You Collect Pop Art?
III: Marriage — Italian Style
IV: All the World Loves A Lover

71. The Concret Overcoat Affair Part II
I: Mr. Solo is Coming Into Range
II: She Even Makes Thrush Blush
III: I Bring Lucrezia Borgia
IV: Water, Water Everywhere

72. The Abominable Snowman Affair
I: Careful With That Fortune Cookie
II: Something is Rotten in Capat
III: Music to Suffer By
IV: A Tomb With a View

73. The My Friend, the Gorilla Affair
I: The Lady is a Swinger
II: An Elephant With a Sweet-Tooth
III: The Ants Who Come to Dinner
IV: My Sister Who Talks to Elephants

74. The Jingle Bells Affair
I: Macy’s — What’s a Macy’s
II: Ho! Ho! Ho! Have You Been a Good Boy Today?
III: Operation Obliteration
IV: God Bless Us Everyone

75. The Take Me to Your Leader Affair
I: Don’t Always Believe What You Read on Radar Screens
II: My son the Thermodynamics Engineer
III: Sojourn in a Wind Tunnel
IV: It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s an Asteroid!

76. The Suburbia Affair
I: What Price Serenity?
II: Wanted For Trigamy
III: A Matter of Anti-Matter
IV: Old Movies Never Die

77. The Deadly Smorgasbord Affair
I: Sweden is Famous for Eisklings
II: Who Knows What Will Pop Up Next?
III: The Land of the Midnight Sunburn
IV: What a S.A.D. Way to Go

78. The Yo Ho Ho And a Bottle of Rum Affair
I: On Land, I Was All At Sea
II: He Makes Captain Bligh Look Like a Bleeding Heart
III: The Next Music You’ll Hear is a Harp
IV: A Wee Bit O’Violence

79. The Napoleon’s Tomb Affair
I: Here’s Garbage in Your Eye
II: Let’s Play Darts
III: Defoliate Their Vineyards!
IV: To Each His Own Souvenir

80. The It’s All Greek to Me Affair
I: Terror of Thessalu, Semi-Retired
II: No Time for the Little Graces
III: The Greeks Never Had a Word For This
IV: Mr. Waverly, What Are You Doing Here?

81. The Hula Doll Affair
I: Little Brother is Watching You
II: Mouth Enough for a Glee Club
III: Would You Like Breakfast in the Closet?
IV: Freud Would Have a Picnic

82. The Pieces of Fate Affair
I: Those With Bubblegum Cards And Those Without
II: People Keep Tying Me Up
III: A Bug in the Attic
IV: The Last Chapter

83. The Matterhorn Affair
I: Twenty Minutes to the Cemetery
II: He Likes to Smell Flowers Upside Down
III: Haven’t You Read Heidi?
IV: My Brother the Space Walker

84. The Hot Number Affair
I: Kuryakin…This is a Japanese Name
II: How Do You Explain Acid to the Insurance Comapny
III: Shoot First, Call the Police Later
IV: Like Shish-Ka-Bobs We’re Going

85. The When in Roma Affair
I: One a Fighter, the Other a Lover
II: Short Nap in a Broom Closet
III: Perfume, Perfume, Who’s Got the Perfume?
IV: If You Move Your Feet, I’ll Lose My Head

86. The Apple A Day Affair
I: Bombs That Grow On Trees
II: Let The Dogs Have Him For a While
III: You Won’t Get Far In That Quilt
IV: One Big Flash And It’s All Over

87. The Five Daughters Affair Part I
I: Number One: Sandy
II: Number Two: Margo
III: Number Three: Imogen
IV: Number Four: Yvonne

88. The Five Daughters Affair Part II
I: Ever Play Anagrams?
II: My Sister the Geisha
III: Cherry Blossom Time
IV: The Condemned Ordered a Hearty Meal

89. The Cap and Gown Affair
I: Welcome to the Way-Outs, Big Daddy
II: Something About a Brawl in a Girl’s Dorm
III: What’s in a Face
IV: As I Gaze Out Upon This Sea Of Young Faces

 

Season Four

With the fourth season, the producer, writer and director credits were moved to the start of the episode. For the first three seasons, they had been at the end. As a result, there would be no Act I titles for any episode.

90. The Summit-Five Affair
II: A Matter of Enough Rope
III: A Switch In Time
IV: Summit Five — Minus One

91. The Test Tube Killer Affair
II: Putting a Damper On Things
III: Rendezvous At Tassos Alley
IV: Twelve Kilometers to Antinos

92. The “J” For Judas Affair
II: That Last Step’s A Killer
III: File It Under HOT
IV: Adam’s Eve

93. The Prince of Darkness Affair Part I
II: Solo Takes A Wife
III: Interlude In A Sandbox
IV: One If By Land, Two If By Sea

94. The Prince of Darkness Affair Part II
II: U.N.C.L.E. Drops In
III: …A Little Something From The Management
IV: …I Wonder What He Would Have Said?

95. The Master’s Touch Affair
II: A Day For Surprises
III: Illya? My Name Is Illya?
IV:…And Then There Were None

96. The Thrush Roulette Affair
II: You Bet Your Life
III: Wraparound Terror
IV: A Pressing End

97. The Deadly Quest Affair
II: A Mallet, A Chisel And Thou…
III: Sewer Rats and Alley Cats
IV: What’s Good For The Goose

98. The Fiery Angel Affair
II: Penance For Solo
III: Then There Was One
IV: Viva Angela

99. The Survival School Affair
II: It’s Nice to Know Somebody Cares
III: A Matter of Degree
IV: Survival of the Fittest

100. The Gurnius Affair
II: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble
III: …And Tomorrow the World
IV: How to Strain a Friendship

101. The Man From Thrush Affair
II: A Vote For Death
III: Specialist, Thrush Class
IV: Something Earthshaking

102. The Maze Affair
II: No Noose Is Good Noose
III: Deceptive Death
IV: Demolition Dilemma

103. The Deep Six Affair
II: Love Wounds All Heels
III: Just a Little Bit Extra
IV: …Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

104. The Seven Wonders of the World Part I
II: Wild Goose Chase
III: Blood Money
IV: Casualities Are Inevitable

105. The Seven Wonders of the World Part II
II: World Full of Slaves
III: Docility Drop-Out
IV: Will Wonders Never Cease

And an honorary mention…

Unlike The Man From U.N.C.L.E., The A-Team included an epilogue. So this installment had *five* act titles.

The Say UNCLE Affair (from The A-Team)
I: This Is Strictly Business, Of Course
II: A Crazy Line of Work
III: Let’s Be Frank…
IV: In Plane Sight
Epilogue: Curtain Call

ACT TITLES FOR THE GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E.

1. The Dog-Gone Affair

I: My dog has fleas

II: Never on Tuesday

III: Hook, line and Stinker…

IV: Gone….Fishing

2. The Prisoner of Zalamar Affair

I: Baubles, Bungles and Bangs

II: …A Sheikess by any other name….

III: That’s fate, Mr. Slate

IV: One scoop or two?

3. The Mother Muffin Affair

I: Oh to be in England…now that April’s there

II: Gather ye rosebuds, while ye may…

III: Old time is still a-flyin’…

IV: And this same flower…tomorrow will be dyin’..

4. The Mata Hari Affair

I: Anything for posterity

II: Sandbag from Heaven

III: ….a rumble in Soho

IV: Curiouser and curiouser

5. The Montori Device Affair

I: If you knew Chu-Chu…

II: Bashed, bagged and befuddled

III: P…L…I…T…PLIT!

IV: We’re engaged…

6. The Horns-of-the-Dilemma Affair

I: Beware the Brain-drain

II: …a REAL Cliff-hanger

III: Tisket, Tasket…a little wicker casket

IV: Matador, that’s no bull!

7. The Danish Blue Affair

I: Say…cheese

II: Everyone into the pool

III: Someone pull the plug

IV: SPUD’S a dud

8. The Garden of Evil Affair

i: Nailed…by a sneaky Sheik

II: They went that-a-weg

(“weg” is in a German-looking typeface)

III: Pistolen Rampf at the O.K. Corral

(“Pistolen Rampf” is in the German-looking typeface)

IV: Tomb,…Boom

9. The Atlantis Affair

I: Fuss, muss and blunderbuss

II: What a Blast!

III: Madness, sheer madness

IV: Hair today, gone tomorrow

10. The Paradise Lost Affair

I: Strangers in Paradise

II: Bridge on the River…Why?

III: What you done for me lately?

IV: Lava and leave ’em

11. The Lethal Eagle Affair

I: An Agent lovely as a tree

II: Don’t call us, we’ll call you!

III: Peek-a-boo Piano

IV: Ach du lieber, dere goes Dieter

12. The Romany LIe Affair

I: Trap-ezy does it

II: …a chicken in every plot

III: …more Tipsy Gypsy

IV: Death a’Bruin

13. The Little John Doe Affair

I: Iceman, take your pick

II: Tickin’ Chicken

III: Carnage, Italian Style

IV: The Ice-man Returneth

14. The Jewels of Topango Affair

I: Safari, so good

II: a-Wa, a-tusi

III: Et tu Coru-coru

IV: Ready when you are, C.C.

15. The Faustus Affair

I: Breathes there a Fuzz with soul so dead…

II: White on White

III: …even Whistler’s Mother?

IV: Sighted Bubb, sank same

16. The U.F.O. Affair

I: Cleanliness is next to godliness

II: Dimly distinct….and deadly

III: Harem, scare ’em

IV: Riff, R.A.F.

17. The Moulin Ruse Affair

I: Hold that tiger…

II: Pill — aged

III: One in hand…two in the bush

IV: TILT!

18. The Catacomb & Dogma Affair

I: Cardinals – 2 Uncle – 0

II: Amo, Amas, Amok

III: Three Men On A Horsch

IV: Everybody into the pool

19. The Drublegratz Affair

I: Snow — job

II: Flash — hash

III: Hangers — oners

IV: Glacial Facial

20. The Fountain of Youth Affair

I: Age Before Booty

II: Mod meets mud

III: How now, Frau Dao?

IV: Secret Aging 0070

21. The Carpathian Caper Affair

I: Oh, how we danced….

II: …….on the night we were wed

III: We wowed our true loves….

IV: ….till Mother dropped dead

22. The Furnace Flats Affair

(With each act title, the question appears by itself for a moment before the answer is shown.)

I: Sick Document? ….Ill Will

II: Tranquilized Horse? ….Prone Roan

III: Desert Gunfight? ….Grueling Dueling

IV: Losers Reward? ….Hissful, Blissful

23. The Low Blue C Affair

I: Bringing in the sheaves (I)…

II: Bringing in the sheaves (II)…

III: We will go rejuicing (I)…

IV: Bringing in the sheaves (III)…

24. The Petit Prix Affair

I: Remodel to Soot

II: Go-kart a’ go-go

III: Spy in the Sky

IV: Baloon Payment

25. The Phi Beta Killer Affair

I: Pure in mind and Buddy…

II: Buddy Shop

III: Buddy and Soul

IV: When a Buddy meets a Buddy….

26. The Double-O-Nothing Affair

I: Shove on a Rooftop

II: Oops, In Central Park

III: Chin-Pan-Alley

IV: Da Debt Of A Salesman

27. The U.N.C.L.E. Samurai Affair

I: A Wondering Minstrel, Oi…

II: Three Little Maids of Junk Are We…

III: The Flowers That Grab With A Spring, Tra la…

IV: Tit-willow, Tit-widow, Tit-fellow…

28. The High and the Deadly Affair

I: Hostess with the mostess

II: All airways lead to Rome

III: No ‘arm done

IV: Eclair-de-lune

29. The Kooky Spook Affair

I: Treacle, Treacle, little star….

II: ….how we wonder where you are.

III: Spook appears, and Butler dies…

IV: …..like a diamond in dis-guise

 

 

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